Here is book for anyone intersted in increasing his awareness of English speech and usage in the lighter vein.

Deft speeches which are witty, humorous, satirical and crooked have been incorporated in this book simply for the pleasure of reading as well as making use of them in routine daily expression.

The book will help you in sharpening your thought and speech, giving you an edge over a party table or office meeting or even when you are required to deliver an impromptu speech at a seminar or symposium.


About the author:

Anil S. Purohit was born in Bijapur in his native state Karnataka and brought up in Goa.

His published contributions numbering in excess of 350 have appeared in The Times of India, The Indian Express, The Metropolis on Saturday, The Week and Goan publications Gomantak Times and Weekender for which he has written weekly columns.

He has also been a press correspondent for Young Media. His talks/panel discussions have been aired over All India Radio (Panjim).

Keenly interested in wildlife he has volunteered services to World Wide Fund for Nature.

His other interests include Astrophysics, travel, cricket, photography, history and reading. This is his second book.


PREFACE:


The beauty of the English language lies in its expression. Its daily usage lends a colourful dimension in a way which makes the language nice to hear, speak, read, write in, as well as, to write about.

It is with this in mind that I approached the proposed book. It seeks to present an array of expressions in sentences that humour by relating the expressions and the subjects, thus not only familiarizing those who re unfamiliar with the usage but more importantly amusing them and also those conversant with the expressions by presenting them in a different, more colourful light.

I ve endeavoured to present the metaphors, similes, idioms, phrases etc. using various formats like Did you hear about...., I could have...., Snidliners...., Nifty Ifties, Daffy definitions, Malapropisms, Limericks etc. Apart from these I ve presented well known proverbs and quotes in a modified way so as to reflect more accurately the modern day world and in the process provoke the reader into thinking about the changed world implied by the modification. Then there are the random thoughts I ve drawn from my observations of various facets of life learned and unlearned in the course of living.

All in all I ve attempted to make it an entertaining book which the reader could open at any page and choose to read for his own reason to learn and familiarize himself with the language or smile away with mild amusement on a boring afternoon.

When language reaches out with its imagery it brings alive moods, feelings and nuances quietly lurking around corners in sentences and pushes them upfront into the spotlight, vanquishing to the four corners of the page any shadows of doubt that might exist about the writer s intent.

Analogy, Metaphor, Alliteration, Metonymy, Synecdoche, Simile and the like are potent arrows in any writer s quiver, helping pierce the heart of the matter and keeping its beat synchronised with the pulse of the reader s imagination and giving the reader an altogether different and incisive angle from which to look at the plot awakening from the pages.

Writing which does not appeal to the reader s imagination limits its scope for active interpretation and leaves little latitude for the reading mind to manoeuvre itself into the context, implied or otherwise, of the writing and hence is devoid of the gleam that sharp edges have. Figures of speech provide the sharpness and the gleam.

Prose without figure of speech is as effective as a snake without fangs. Sure, it will make you aware of its intent just as a defanged snake would but the bite would be missing.

With Pats of Speech and Snideliners I ve attempted word play which would be difficult without figures of speech, of which the usage of Metaphor figures prominently. Writing them was entertaining and I hope that reading them will be too. Insults (snideliners) are always entertaining, only here the figures of speech lend some spit and polish and hence bring a certain sophistication to the insults. Whoever has heard of sophisticated insults? But then in English anything is possible! The purists would view this statement as an insult to English; a sophisticated insult? I don t know, you decide.

I very much hope that the reader will enjoy reading the various items, idioms and sayings which are embeded in humour and will appreciate any efforts as well as the linguistic richness that English language possesses.
Anil S. Purohit

INTRODUCTION:
This book had an unconventional beginning on a hospital bed. I was down with severe food poisioning in Mumbai and the heavy dosages administered to fight the advancing infection had turned the atmosphere in the ward, I was laid up in, into a bottomless pit of purple despair.

Sharp needles had ceased to keep me awake. The nurses kept the air around the ward busy; their smiles denting the stiff stench of unforgiving medicines. And I hung on to the hope, trailing the doctor\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s daily visit to the ward, that I would pull through in the end. I did.

Worse was still to come, given that all this was bang in middle of my academics and I knew I was in for a long haul for, the Indian education system has a certain viscosity about it which holds fast, wings of those who seek to escape its organised dilution of creative juices a hell-hole where even the devil would think twice before venturing in.

Laughter had to be the best medicine, more so in the situation I was in and it was to amuse myself and also to imbue the white expressionless ceiling, I had for company, when on my back, day in and day out, with some colour and zing that I began thinking up some crazy and not so crazy stuff and this book was on its way though I never thought it would lead to it.

My cousin, Jayatirth, shouldered admirably the cranky demands, patients confined to bed often make and I made more than my share of them. Along with my uncle Vasant, who has more jokes in his head than anyone I know, the laugh-a-minute riot they kept up in the evenings, was medicine, the doctor hadn\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'t prescribed but I took it anyway. To top it all was my other uncle Gururaj who had classic one-liners for every situation and my state of affairs provided him with more situations than he would have imagined and I began to look forward to these evenings.

Recuperation at my relatives after my discharge provided more mindspace for this book and I\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'ve much to thank the Namanha, Kulkarni and Puranik families for the care and carefree atmosphere they provided.

I would like to remember that period as one where I managed to retain the sanity of my humour and hence this book holds a special place in my heart for, associated with its creation are memories that contributed in many ways to my growing years and smiling years too.
Ponda, Goa. Anil S. Purohit

CONTENTS:
1. Pats of Speech
2. Snideliners
3. Did You Hear About
4. One to Another
5. I Could Have Been
6. Out on a Verse
7. Practical Prayers
8. Malapropisms
9. Random Thoughts
10. Progressive Proverbs and Quotes
11. Miscellaneous
(i) Daffy Definitions
(ii) Fadeaway Truths
(iii) How Do You Find Your Work?
(iv) What Does
(v) Riddling Away
(vi) What Cannot
(vii) Terms of Endearment
(viii) Remember When
(ix) Their Women Are
(x) Their Men Are
(xi) Would You Say
(xii) How They Walk
(xiii) How They Exclaim
(xiv) The Trouble With
(xv) What is Most Irritating To a
(xvi) Nifty Ifties
(xvii) Energy Levels
(xviii) How s Life
(xix) Why
(xx) Career Advice
(xxi) States Of Anger
(xxii) Come Again

EXCERPTS:
chap. 5.: I COULD HAVE BEEN

Wishes and desires are woven into apt idioms and phrases to lead the reader into a realm of entertainment, joy and wonder.