If you are fed up of calling yourself a \'single\', if you have had enough of forgettable blind dates and frivolous relationships, if you long to get hooked up with your Mr/Ms Right, you have come to the right place. Rules of Attraction is an unparalleled guide to conquering the hearts, which you can truly bank upon.

This book emphasises the psychological aspects of love. It intimates you about the various emotional and psychological needs of a person, and helps you slowly enter his/her social, personal, and finally intimate zone, laying a strong foundation of a long-lasting relationship in the process. Authored by an experienced psychologist, the book will ensure that not only you \'rise\' in love with the right person, but also make him/her reciprocate your feelings with equal love and ardour.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
The author, Dr. Amit Abraham is heading the Department of psychology at a premier institution. His doctorate work is in the area of personality psychology. He has published several research papers and authored books on psychology and general interest. He is also heading a mental health organisation called Samvaidna, which is actively involved in the area of guidance and counselling, therapy, testing and personality improvement programmes along with conducting workshops on various psychological issues. He is the recipient of the U.P. Shikshak Samman for the year 2006 awarded by Bright Organisation For Youth.

CONTENTS:
Preface
Overview
The Starters
First Impressions
Beauty and The Beholder
Body Language
Loves Me – Loves Me Not
The Line of Control
Breaking The Ice
The Final Intrusion


AN EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK

THE FINAL INTRUSION
PUBLIC ZONE TO SOCIAL ZONE
The general strategy behind personal space intrusion is though quite simple but the process complicated. Before one can start intruding into the other’s personal zone, it is essential to identify the emotional needs of the other person. Emotional needs include the need for attention, the need for understanding, the need for acceptance, the need for appreciation and the needs for love, belonging and affection. The identification of emotional needs helps, since people subconsciously grow dependent upon those who satisfy their emotional needs. One needs to cash on this basic fact and try to fulfil the required need/s.

Fulfil the Need for Attention
The first need is that of attention. Who in this world does not desire to catch attention of others? Hence one must show the other person that you are consciously aware of his or her existence. A smile, a compliment or just an admiring look may spark off the beginning of a relationship, but not necessary a long-term one, since this is just a superficial need and once satisfied, the other more important needs take over. But do remember, never let the person concerned feel your lack of attention else he/she will seek it from elsewhere and your chapter may end here itself.

Understand the Feelings and Emotions of the One You Want
As said before, just making a person aware of his or her existence is not enough. One also needs to show that they understand the other person’s feelings and emotions. The ability to understand and to some extent share the experience of another person’s feelings depends greatly upon the ability to interpret an individual’s expressive behaviour. This in turn seems to depend upon a genuine interest and concern for that person. So here is a warning to those who do not have patience. Don’t try to hurry up things else the reaction may become opposite. Be a smooth operator and take your time understanding the other person and then only express yourself in accordance.

Always Express Worthiness
Acceptance is another important emotional need. People desire to be liked and loved and to belong. It means showing the person that you value being with him/her, even though at times their behaviour or attitudes may be less than praiseworthy.

Always be Appreciative – It’s an Incentive
A life without appreciation would virtually be a life without incentive. Whatever we do, we consciously or unconsciously seek appreciation. You can satisfy this need by recognising those redeeming qualities that the other person possesses. But again there is a note of warning. Appreciate the realities or else it turns into flattery, and many people get turned off by it.
Always Show Your Affection
Even the most ferocious of horses can be tamed by showing affection, and human beings are no exceptions. What people desire most is affection. This is easily shown by reassuring the person that, regardless of comparisons with others, he or she is still special to you and, therefore, very important. Sometimes this can be communicated by no more than a simple touch.
As you begin to meet a person’s five basic emotional needs, you start helping that person along the road to greater happiness. In return, he or she will develop a subconscious emotional dependence on you. This dependence is an essential part of personal space intrusion. In order to encourage persons to voluntarily place this trust in you, however, you must first prove yourself worthy of their trust.

Always Show Respect
Apart from trying to meet the basic emotional needs of the other person, it is also important to respect that person. This is so because people are motivated to be with and to associate themselves with those persons whom they truly respect. This respect can only be had on a mutual basis. A basic fact that must be kept in mind is that respect is always commanded and never demanded. One respects those who are perceived as independent and self-reliant. The more a person seems to be capable of getting along in life without having to rely on us, the more likely we are to actually feel drawn towards that person.

Maintain a Distance – Don’t Stick Like Glue
Another point of importance to be kept in mind is that people are most attracted to those who exhibit some degree of aloofness, are self-reliant and independent. Thus one must never show to the other person that he/she is indispensable for you.

Show Continued Interest
Showing continued interest in the other person is also important. This can be conveyed by a smile, by looking lovingly deep into the other person’s eyes, by greeting them vocally, by starting and being able to maintain a meaningful conversation, and finally fixing up the next meeting. Don’t give up even if you feel the pace is slow. You will surely succeed and capture the victor’s cup, but patience is the key to success.

Having successfully accomplished our mission so far, we are now ready to proceed further into the personal zone. However, an important tip remains to be given at this stage. When one is striving to form favourable impressions, then the best way to succeed is by letting the others know that you are favourably impressed by them.

SOCIAL ZONE TO PERSONAL ZONE
Though people have a subconscious need to stay free and emotionally uncommitted, they will try their level best to avoid circumstances which threaten to limit this freedom. This basic concept should be kept in mind when one prepares for the intrusion from social zone to personal zone. It is important that one has to hold himself and strike only when the iron is hot. Let the other person mentally prepare himself/herself for readily allowing you to intrude into their personal zone.

Let your Actions Speak Louder than your Words
The best way to succeed in the above strategy is by letting your actions speak louder than your words. With passage of time, you will succeed in breaking the barriers and develop a more intimate relationship. But don’t undermine the importance of words. Pick and choose the spicy yet loving words and whisper the same as and when appropriate. This is entirely your cup of tea. How you manipulate your verbal gestures depends on your understanding and evaluation of the situation in its totality. Hence, you are the judge as well as the judged.

As the experience becomes more positive and beneficial, the greater becomes the desire of the other person to continue with the association.

Some Basic Rules to Make You Rule
One cannot be forced to like someone since, under normal conditions, the human mind cannot be forced into doing things. But if one cannot force, one can at least lead it to do the desired task at will. There are some basic rules that are to be followed to achieve this objective, and the magic will coax any person you choose into enjoying and looking forward to the pleasure of your company.

Always be Cheerful – Keep Smiling
The first basic rule is to always be cheerful. Cheerfulness is very infectious. It lightens the environment and the people around, and tends to be emotionally stimulating
and rewarding.
Along with cheerfulness is closely associated the smile. This is the second rule. A smile sure goes a long way and is a must at every stage of intrusion. A smile is the most effective key to being attractive, especially to members of the opposite sex. With a smile even the toughest of tough melt. It’s the greatest weapon in your artillery, but not scarce, so use it freely and abundantly.

Be Enthusiastic
The third basic rule, coupled with the two mentioned before, is enthusiasm. It’s a natural outcome of genuineness and is very infectious too. It breeds excitement in others. It is a very helpful and positive mode by which people can be influenced. So be enthusiastic and pump enthusiasm into others. This act of yours will reflect your genuine care and concern for the one you are reaching out to.

Control Your Verbal Communication
The fourth rule applies to verbal communication. This, as mentioned earlier, is a very crucial aspect. A six-inch tongue can kill a man of six feet. So don’t just say what comes to your mouth. Think and then only speak and make sure it’s positive, loaded with subtle humour. Out of personal experience, I have found that the best way of verbal communication in situations like this is to use a subtle, subdued and romantic tone. You should make the other person feel that you are speaking your heart out. But one warning comes with this. Don’t overdo the act or else repulsion may occur for anything excessive is never good. So change your track from time to time. Try to discuss the other person’s interests giving him/her more opportunity to express himself. Don’t try to be dominating always. This way you will be able to gather more information about that person.

Under-stay Your Welcome
Another golden rule is under-staying your welcome. Though this is not an easy task but very essential. If one stays for too long, he starts losing the charismatic appeal that has been built up so far. Over-exposure is never good. So leave them high and dry. Leave them wanting more of you. People will enjoy your company more, as a result of having you available less. Also try to do a vanishing act. Don’t turn up at times when you are expected. This adds fuel to the fire of passion, especially when dealing with the fairer sex. The gist of this is plain and simple. People respect and are subconsciously drawn towards those who exhibit qualities of aloofness and independence. They are repulsed by those who manifest tendencies to cling.

After having successfully manoeuvred the personal space intrusion so far, you are now ready for the final assault of moving from the personal zone into the intimate of intimate zones and for which you have to induce emotional dependence. So let’s march ahead and conquer and captivate the heart, mind and soul of the one we so desire – at least theoretically!